Thel 'Vadam
The Arbiter, Arsebiter, Assbiter, Arbiturd or Retarbiter His momma calls him the Arbitiny. (not to be confused with the asshole arbiter from halo wars) is officially the world's most kickass Elite and is known for his ability to always come "rescue" you when you're close to certain death. He is also know as Bruce Lee. Legends hold that he is the saviour of his people. Most simply see him as an addition to appeal to the fanboy Zealots. some people think that he is War one of the four horseman of the Apocalypse-meaning that he is in competition with Sergeant Johnson for this place in the Bible. He eventually lost and was put in a crappy kid's illustrated bible instead. Early Childhood Thel 'VaDAMNBITCHGIMMEMAHTACO was born in the trunk of a Spectre, because his parents couldn't afford a hospital. At 2 years of age, both his parents signed him into the Covenant Army, claiming he was twenty three. His spectacular ability to perform the "T-bag" ritual made him an instant legend, and he was an Honour Guard at the age of 3 {they also had to give him a tin can as a helmet} He also never passed his driver's ed class tee-bagged the instructor too much. How much "Too much" is far "Too much" to contemplate. At the age of 4 he got laid by some insanely sexy Elite, supposedly being 25 years old. The Elite he fucked was accidently killed after having the most ******** *** in her entire life because his dick was so big it ripped her apart. When he ejaculated, it sent her body flying into outer space, thus ending his sexual encounters until he reached the age of 7. It can also be noted that the Arbiter has been immune to every form of STDs since childbirth. Halo: CE He's never seen or mention in the first game becuase he was too busy getting high, but the prohets starting yelling at him to get a job, so he ended up having to do stuff anyways. After he blew up Soviet Reachistan, one ship tried to run away from him, since he's a ninja with lazer beams. When he follwed them in his battle cruiser, Really Gay Name For A Space Ship, he came across a giant metal donut that had been left out in the sun for too long and grew moss. It turns out that his people worship donuts becuase they are decsendants of fat americans, and the thought of non-fat people touching it made him both angry and hungry. After stopping at a McDonalds, he ordered his troops to kill the skinny people, only to find the ring had been infected by Hannah Montana. In order to prevent himself and his fleet from having to listen to such a vile, horrible, and disgusting creature, he allowed the skinny people to blow up the ring. He ended up in so much trouble for it that the prophets took away his toys, grounded him, and let his hairy brother kick him in the balls for it. Halo 2 The trial drew a lot of attention, even the almighty Grunts, even those that had been imbued with the über Gruntiness, watched. To give the whole thing a nice aroma, the Council decided for sheer fun to give Arby's chest a good grilling.(m'm bar-b-cue) Once finished, the Arbiter even had the rare chance to join in with the cuddly turkeys. However, the wandering Tartar Sauce wanted to bring him to the Prophets instead (it should be mentioned here that turkey stomachs cannot handle barbecued food well). Of course, the Prophets knew exactly what to do with something that shares the same scent as , so he was sent to kill some heretics. After more missions, Arby finally figures out what the giant hula hoops in teh sky that kill shtuff are really meant for. Halo 3 Joining with his hated nemesis, he stopped the Covenant and saved his people. He then ditched the MC and Cortana, once again on a quest to find a better, meaningful existence. For some reason, he cannot die despite being "killed" many times, leaping to his feet after a few moments. Theories circulate that he is a result of the Weapon X Program, and that retractible claws are hidden inside his hands. Others claim he is the Anti-Christ, and worship him accordingly. It was later discovered that he could be cloned and that this had led to the decisive victory at the Citadel. This is how the battle took place. Arby was shooting at some Jackals with his plasmas rifle when he got stuck in the face by a plasma grenade. It exploded, sending him screaming and plummeting into the abyss. So MC had to fight through hordes of Grunts, slaying hundreds of Grunts, Brutes, and Jackals on his way to Truth. When he got to the last bridge, he was assassinated by a Brute Chieftain. Then the bastard Truth was going to start the Ark's countdown mechanism, only to be stopped by Arbiter, who was materializing out of nowhere. Arbiter revealed to Truth that he had sold his soul to the devil to return. Then three more Arbiters materialized, wielding Energy Swords. Arbiter calmly told Truth, "These three are the horsemen of the Apocalypse and their names are war, famine, and death." "OMFG ghosts!" Truth screamed. "Asshole, you must be silenced!" Arbiter told him. So Arbiter stabbed Truth in the neck, killing him. Then a epic cutscene started, and Phantoms deployed Covies onto the bridge: Brute Chieftains, Brute Bodyguards, Brute Majors, Heavy Grunts, Jump Pack Brutes, and Brute Captains. Arbiter destroyed the Phantoms with a word, turning them into residue. Then he and his clones charged at the Covies and epicness ensued. Then Arbiter gave Master Chief immortality. During and after halo 3 Arby went on 3p1c1y wynn1ng at life, until he opened the fast food chain "Arby's". From that point on he was rich.So den he was all like awwwwwwwwwww, bullcrap, man I I I R DA RBTER In his later years, The Arbiter settled down in a small condo in Florida. The Arbiter got bored with shooting little kiddies with his Fuel Rod Cannon in Florida (bearing in mind, it was already out ammo, and he didn't have a secondary weapon) he decided to go out to London, UK, where he found his beautiful wife, Bitchugge Shcimllyiie', he later found out that the female he had married (for 13 years) was actually a male, soon the Arbiter killed him by ripping off his male parts, and shoved it down his throat, and then killed him again by grabbing his Spooky Spoon and cuttin' him up into little pieces, which the Arbiter ate for breakfast the next day, with bacon and sausages. then it was discovered he locked the Master Chief in the hanger of the piece of crap frigate they used to escape the exploding halo. When he confessed to the police, they just wanted to find out where his wife was but by then she(he) was in france by now. Then he looked for a job and joined with Master Chief to make a machinima. He magically transformed into a toy with master chief and then they made Arby 'n' the Chief, some show with nothing but lolololololollololol. But on one swag filled day, Treyarch called and asked the Arbiter to star in their upcoming game. Soon enough the Arbiter found himself signing up for Call of Duty 6: Clash With Halo. This game was so win that the disk gave off radioactive rays of swag. People who played this game grew muscles as big as Ricky Ross and they were clinically proven to be able to start ballin' on Michael Jordan. In the game, Arbiter was the husband of a hooker that he met at the burger king on main street. Then a random marine came in and killed her. Arby was outraged, he killed all humans and smacked them with his hammer of ban of pain of destiny of death of swag of uberpwn of deliciousness of more swag. Then Warthog Guy came and kicked arbiter's ass all over the Mcdonalds restraunt. He was knocked out for 1337 seconds! Then the Arbiter got up, ripped Warthog Guy's balls off, shoved them down his throat back into place, and ate his head off. Some time after he also '''raped '''Pedo Bear in the Ear and ass. Sgt.051 01:19, June 1, 2011 (UTC) Category:Elites that had *** **** female humans Category:Shit people complain about Category:Things that kick ass Category:People who can Kill Master Chief Category:People who can Kill Master Chief Category:Tall people Category:Things you shouldn't use for intercourse Category:Articles that want to be featured